35.) Hopi-less Point...Self Doubt and Reassuring Strangers.....Permit Me to Demonstrate...

     I hop off the bus at Hopi Point which my research has informed me is one of the best places in the park to catch the sunset.  Upon my arrival it’s easy to see this is no secret. Hopi Point is atop one to the long fingers of cliff that juts out over the Canyon.  Theres a railing that runs down one side of the cliff, out to the very tip of the point, then curves back and runs across the edge of the opposite cliff.  Between the the two railings, the flat cliff top is packed with people. I was looking forward to a quiet space of self reflection as I watched the sun go down. I should have known better.  Quiet space to be alone with one’s thoughts is surprisingly hard to come by at the Grand Canyon. I’ll be reminded of this trait repeatedly over my stay at the park. The sun set is gorgeous as promised, despite the crowd and I snap a few pictures once I fight my way right up to the railing and can take a few without including any of the strangers.

Before I head to camp for the night I grab a slice at the Pizza Pub and chat with the gentleman on the next barstool and he shares his cheese sticks with me. He’s a nice enough guy, as far as people go, and the conversation lightens my load a bit and puts me in a good mood.  You see, on a trip like this, doubts have a tendency to creep in, as doubts are wont to do. I’m constantly worried that this whole romp is nothing but a waste of time. Is this what I should be doing? Are there better ways to spend my time?  Shouldn’t I be doing something more productive?  And the attention that these thought need, take away from the experience itself, which worries me even more. "What if this trip is ‘Something Productive’ but I’m missing all the juicily little tidbits and life lessons because I’m too worried that I’m wasting my time!?”  It’s exhausting and it may not be ruining the trip, but it’s certainly distracting me from enjoying it to the fullest.  But every time I stop to chat with a stranger my doubts are knelled and I feel lighter somehow.

     Like I was lost at sea, my life raft has sprung a leak and inevitably, we’re going down. Then I tell someone about my trip and their reaction is always the same…or very similar at least.  Something like “Man, I wish I would have done that!”, “Good for you!”, or “Sounds like an adventure!”  Never, not once has anyone said “Man, that sounds like a waste of time. Get a job. Be something.”  I’ve never received a reaction that was even remotely negative. Everyone has been friendly, thoughtful and encouraging. This realization provides the buoy I need and I’m once again riding high on the water as I make my way back to camp and turn in for the night, the thoughts of camping at the bottom of the Grand Canyon still swimming around somewhere deep in the stem of my brain.

Ok, so I haven't said anything yet because it hasn't really been that big of a problem but the zipper on my sleeping is doing that thing where you zip up the zipper part but the teeth of the zipper don’t interlock so it’s open on both sides of the slider part. You know what I mean?  Anyway, I’ve been able to fix it for the last few days running the slider back and forth a few times and it would eventually catch, but last night it happened again and I lost it!.  It’s freezing cold in the back of the jeep and my sleeping bag wont zip. Half asleep, after I kicked and jerked the bag around in a good old fashioned hissy fit, I blindly felt for my tool box. I found some pliers and pinched the metal slider. It takes a moment for me to remember this in the morning, I wasn’t completely conscious when I did it, but now the zippers working perfectly! Its a stupid little thing but I’m overjoyed! The zipper teeth didn’t pull apart while I flopped around last night and my toes are toasty warm. Good thing since outside my sleeping bag its a chilly morning.  When you keep life simple, the little things make a big difference.               
 
After a few quick questions at the ranger station I find out that camping permits for the bottom of the canyon are in high demand and nearly sold out. The only way for me to get one is to go to the backcountry office and see if thy have any left.  I navigate the shuttle system, find the backcountry office, and burst inside only to find out they have already issued all the permits for the day.  All I can do now is take a number, show up early tomorrow morning, and maybe I’ll be able to score one for later in the week.  “Alright, can I get a number?”  I ask, without much hope.  Seeing as the whole fuckin’ park is packed, I’m assuming the waiting list is a mile long.  I’m sort of bummed, but at the same time sort of relieved, thinking….If I can’t get a permit, I won’t feel guilty about not trying to get to the bottom. And also, wont have to put myself through hiking roughly 6,000 vertical feet.   

“Here ya go.” The ranger says handing me a laminated bookmark. I turn it over and there's the National Park logo printed on it and a big number 1.  I point the number at her and say, “Oh, does this me I’m first on the list?” 

“Yep! Just show up here tomorrow morning, if you’re here when we open you’ll be the first to receive a permit.”  

“Oh….cool. But how likely is that?” I’m still questioning my physical ability to do a hike like this as she answers.  

“Pretty likely.  We usually hold back a few permits for last minute guys like yourself.” 

“Sweet, see you in the morning.”  Well, if I can get a permit I gotta give it a shot.  The disappointment in myself, if I don’t at least try, would be much more painful than anything the hike can throw at me I’m sure. I’m nervous about it but also excited for the experience. The nervousness fades slightly when I recall something I read earlier in the trip. “Growth Means Change and Change Involves Risk, stepping from the known to the unknown.”  This is unknown territory to me for sure, but ‘Growth’ is definitely “Something Productive” and once again, I feel I’m righh where I’m supposed to be…..

After I get my number I further navigate the shuttle system all the way to its end and hop off right before the bus turns around to make the return trip.  Hermit’s Rest Trail Head is the very last stop and I hike into a side canyon.  My legs are a little sore from the 6 miles I did yesterday and the bus ride out here was nothing but screaming kids.  It really sucked the magic out of the place and I turn around less than a mile in, deciding to make it an early night.

I’m at the backcountry office when they open the doors the next morning and sure enough, I’m the first person to receive my permit for the Bright Angel Campground. Tomorrow night I will be spending at the bottom of the Grand Canyon!  I’m still concerned about my questionable

abilities to make the hike in and out so I take it easy and spend the rest of the day reading and writing back at the Stage Stop.  Before I turn in I cook bacon and eggs for dinner and a bunch of brats that will be my dinner after my hike into the Canyon. I fall asleep under a purple sky with with the nervous excitement of the first day of school.