15.) Insecurities of the God's.....Evasive Maneuvering Options......Commitment to a Joke...

     My run in with the border patrol puts a bitter taste in my mouth as I flee Big Bend National Park. What should be exciting, finishing up my first park and setting out to my next adventure, is now clouded in doubt and resentment. Par for the course really, when I think back over the majority of time I’ve spent in Texas.  
Jesus Christ I’m a cry baby, I think to myself and make a mental note to better attempt not sweating the small stuff. Then I point the Jeep west toward Route 170 along the banks of the Rio Grande. The ghost town of Terlingua shrinks in my rearview and the broken yellow center stripe zips passed my tires in a blur.  Windows come down and the roof slides open as I jam the pedal to the floor.  A pristine blue sky already impossibly wide continues to grow as the canyon narrows. It’s far too beautiful for the resentment to maintain it’s grip and it begins it’s slow decent into obscurity. By the time I pull to the shoulder and park at the abandon little village, it’s barley even a memory.
It looks like a dusty old western town straight out of a movie; probably because that’s precisely what it is. An old movie set built in 1985 for the movie “Uphill All the Way”. I’ve never heard of it or any of the 8 other movies that have shot at this location. Not even the most recent, “Journeyman” which came out in 2000 according to the sign out front.  A dusty path leads me through the center of the village.  All the buildings look authentically dilapidated and with the Rio Grande continuing is ceaseless journey toward the coast just out the back door, the illusion is total.  Everything seems to built right out of the land. Adobe? stucco maybe?  It looks legit until I step through an open doorway.  Most are just storefronts with nothing inside but the bare minimum; the skeleton of a building.  The phrase “Movie Magic” floats through my mind followed quickly by the phrase “or lack there of”.  Most are nondescript buildings that, with little dressing, can be made to serve any purpose.  

Painted white with it’s small arch topped with a cross, the church is the only one that stands out.  Churches are like that a lot.  Stained glass in the windows, ornate steeples to catch the eye, oversized bells to declare it’s presence for miles.  They are desperately begging for your attention.  Like when an insecure frat boy who’s about as exciting as a dial tone gets a big loud truck and cruises around town squealing his tires. Hmmm...Maybe god’s got a baby dick too.  
The thought makes me chuckle to myself but the day dream quickly evaporates when I hear a soft rustling at the side of the path.  A desert lizard of one type or another scurries erratically across the road and disappears into the dry brush. I look at my bare feet stuffed into my crocs and then around at the landscape.  Dry and rocky, perfect for rattlesnakes.  I figure I shouldn’t press my luck so I take a last look around and head toward the Jeep. Being very deliberate with each step to avoid any and all reptile bites another thought surfaces.  If god sends a rattlesnake to poison me because of one little dick joke, it would kinda prove my theory about the churches.

Back in the Jeep, the road begins to climb, hugging the side of this ridge.  Mountain to my immediate right, canyon immediately left. It’s already one of the most beautiful drives I’ve ever taken but when I reach a high point I unconsciously shake my head at the view.  It’s tough to believe it’s real.  It’s tougher still, to believe it’s in Texas. I lean into a heavy wind and stare slack jawed at the blue-green ribbon stretching into the distance.  “It’s a fucking postcard,” says the old man taking in the view next to me.  All I can muster is a single syllable that vaguely sounds like ‘yeah’ as I nod my head.
All along route 170 are bright yellow street signs that say ‘Falling Rocks’ and others with a picture of rocks tumbling down a steep grade.  Some even have a little cartoon car with rocks falling from above  just to really drive the point home.  I’ve seen these signs before in different parts of the country but never have I seen a falling rock or the aftermath of a rock slide.  Until today!  I come around a bend and there it is, a pile of rocks in the road.  Now they don’t cover too much ground and the largest are only about the size of softballs but I’m still forced to swerve out of my lane to make my way around. From now on I will be always vigilant as I 'Watch for Falling Rocks’ just like the signs tell me to.  But what really are my options if I do see any rocks hurtling towards my path?  
I could speed up in hopes of ducking underneath them before they reach the road.  But then I run the risk of losing control and swerving into the canyon. Or misjudging the distance to the rockslide and the acceleration ability of the Jeep resulting in a full bore head-on collision. I could slow down or even stop given enough space, and hope the rocks don't bounce toward me.  This option could also result in crushing, just from above instead of ahead.  None of the choices seem like good ones and I doubt I'd have sufficient reflexes to react anyways.  The point, if there is one, (there isn’t) is that ‘Falling Rocks’ street signs are a waste of money….or maybe the point is that I’m excited because I saw my first rockslide. Doesn’t matter.  
Further up the road is another inspection point.  I’m an old pro by now.  Are you a U.S. citizen? Where you comin’ from? Where ya goin’?
Yes. Big Bend. Guadalupe Mountains.
Have a good one. Then a hand motion toward the road beyond.  
A look at my map shows that the road beyond leads through Marfa, TX.  I’ve heard many stories about the 'Marfa Lights'.  Strange unexplained orbs or circles of light in the desert a few miles outside of town. People claim the sightings date back to the 19th century. Many different colors, sometimes just a flicker in the distance. Other accounts say sometimes they zip back and forth through the darkness.  They have been seen in all seasons and all weather conditions.  It seems the only thing they depend on is darkness and since it’s late morning when I arrive I don’t stick around long.  The town does exude a kind of creepiness intensified by the lack of people.  Pulling into town I see not one person.  I stop at a gas station to use the bathroom but through the windows I can see the place is deserted. Torn to shreds inside.  Entire shelving racks overturned on the floor along with debris from the ceiling thats caving in from above.  The doors are all padlocked, tall weeds grow from cracks in the destroyed sidewalk, and everything inside appears to be covered in a thin dusty film.  This place hasn’t been used in a long time.  I pee in the overgrown lot behind the place convinced that any second now, some sociopathic Stephen King character will materialized and tear my arms off or set me on fire.  I’m quickly back in the Jeep and through the entire town without seeing a single human being. 

Next stop is the Fort Davis Historical Site.  The fort was built in 1854 to help protect mail coaches, emigrants, and other travelers on their way to California on the San Antonio - El Paso road.  It’s a charming little place with restored barracks, officer quarters and other exhibits to wander around and kill an hour or so. A good way to break up a long drive but not terribly exciting.  Things are fairly spread out so you’ll do a lot of walking but whatever you do, don’t bring something to drink with you. They get real mad. If your reaction to them screaming about ‘no drinks allowed’ signs is to continue your sucking on an oversized straw while you stare at them, they get even madder. If you keep looking them in the eye with no change in facial expression until your straw starts making that ‘cups almost empty’ noise, and then keep making that noise for the next 25 to 30 seconds they’ll very nearly lose their shit.  But if you finish with an exaggeratedly refreshing ‘AAAHHH’ and toss your cup in a nearby trash can, they’ll  stomp away from you without a word.  You will have to throw away a perfectly good cup for the sake of a joke but if it’s the big haired old lady with the giant rings and too many necklaces, it’s totally worth it.....